This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
