i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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