YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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