when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
