New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
