does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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