did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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