Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
