i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
