i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
