OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
