just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize