My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
