You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
