ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
