My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
