you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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