At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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