if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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