I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
