I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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