i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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