I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
