There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
