A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
