so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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