Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
