Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
