new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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