i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
