last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
sex in a hospital.. check
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
