I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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