Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
