So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
