You're a womanizer and a bitch.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
