You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
