Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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