We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
