yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize