well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
