but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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