I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
