i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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