I didn't shave. On purpose
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
