i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
