Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize