Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
