hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
