you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
