dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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