Yo dont text me then not text me
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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