Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
