Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
