I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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