my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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