lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
