you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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