Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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