they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
