I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
