i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
