You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
