and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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