i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
