You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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