just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
