God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
