I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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