Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
