I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
