i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
