the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
