clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
