i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
