a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
