I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
